Why do we return in love that which has been taken in hatred
Why do we return in love that which has been taken in hatred? It is for our personal and corporate mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Most of our ancestors experienced the trauma of hatred. That trauma is passed down from generation to generation through retelling, actions, behaviors, and most tragically our DNA.
The genocide and ethnic cleansing our ancestors experienced is passed down to us and affects us in a wide variety of ways, most of which we never contemplate or comprehend. These effects often lead to the social, mental, behavioral, and physical ills that plague many Native Americans. That which was taken in hatred from our ancestors can be manifested generations later through bad choices and behaviors for reasons we may not even understand.
The ultimate cure for these ill effects is love. The kind of love that is not in the service of the self, but in the pure expressions of giving yourself for the betterment of another. Love can ultimately release us from the curse of trauma. That love is profound in that it seeks nothing in return. The curse of trauma is released when forgiveness is given when it is not asked for or earned. Forgiveness is never about the person or group being forgiven, it is always about breaking and releasing the curse that trauma brings about in our lives.
Forgiveness is not for the well-being of those who took in hatred it is for those who were wronged and received trauma. Being able to release the past pain of trauma through forgiveness creates the processes of physical, mental, and spiritual healing we so desperately need in our recovery from the trauma affecting us today. We cannot recover from the trauma inherited from our ancestors until we can forgive the trauma from the hatred expressed toward them.
The truest expression of love is unconditional forgiveness. Forgiveness can be given, but it never has to be accepted by the one being forgiven. Remember, forgiveness is never about the person being forgiven; it is for the person doing the forgiving. Forgiveness never means forgetting the causes of trauma inflicted upon us or our ancestors for we must always remember to help know how to stop the cycle of hate and trauma.
The person being forgiven is under no obligation to accept the forgiveness bestowed on them. They ultimately must accept forgiveness and the restoration it brings or they can continue the trauma of hatred, but it is their choice. Restoration of relationships is possible through forgiveness, but restoration will only be accomplished through the most profound expressions of love.
A real-life example of this principle was exposed in the life of the author of this article. While researching the history of The Chickamauga Nation, hundreds of thousands of examples of hatred being poured out upon our ancestors became overwhelming. Year after year of research, reading about the atrocities our ancestors and our families experienced began to take its toll on the social, physical, and spiritual life of this author. 300 years of documented atrocities overtook my well-being and left me in a deep and total depressive state. Academically, I knew these things happened historically, but it was never forced upon my life in its totality. The trauma experienced by tens of thousands of Chickamauga was placed in my life and I did not know how to deal with the consequences I was experiencing. Their trauma became my trauma and overwhelmed every waking moment of my life.
Living and reliving the hatred and trauma 12 – 14 hours a day, 7 days a week for over two years began to take its toll on the well-being of this author. Book after book, historical document after document, page after page, and ultimately sentence after sentence began to destroy my love, peace, and well-being. After two years of living in the trauma of hatred, something had to happen to bring about peace and well-being. How could forgiveness be given when those who committed the hatred were continuing the same atrocities against the Chickamauga today? How can forgiveness be granted when it is not earned or deserved? How can it be right to forgive this?
Lest we forget, LOVE is unconditional. It is not earned or deserved. It is given but it never has to be accepted, much like forgiveness. We cannot love ourselves unless we love others. We cannot break the curse of trauma in our lives until love is expressed toward those who have taken in hatred. Love brings about our forgiving those who have taken in hatred. I had forgotten what I had proclaimed for decades: Love and forgiveness.
For this author, it has been a LONG journey to love and forgive those who refuse restoration of a right relationship with the Chickamauga. The steps are not always forward, often they are one step forward, one or two steps backward, and one step forward. Love is hard especially when hatred is expressed toward us every day of our existence. It is not a choice to love on the less hateful days, it is what we must learn to do even on the worst of the hate-filled days. Forgiveness is not a choice because it is an expression of love. There are days when it seems it is impossible to forgive someone or something, but their forgiveness is not about them, it is about our well-being. Forgiveness helps us rise above hatred and releases us from the clutches of trauma, one piece at a time until it is finally gone.